Two days until I fly away to visit old friends. I am excited, despite not being thin like last time I saw some of them. I know there will be a shitload of drinking - and probably dinners and lunches with friends.... shit. I could do the whole purge thing - but staying in a hotel with s could prove to be difficult... argh- I hope I can stay strong, but I am sucking at it lately. Sometimes I eat lots, sometimes not much... still I am eating and I dont like this.. I am around 54kg still I lose one week gain by the weekend. Blergh. Sounds bad but one friend I am seeing has the same problem she is thinner than me - I wanted to be thin too by the time I go back - not happening. Dev. Oh well. I will update how the trip goes - probably be a balloon when I get back!
But I am doing a soup diet with s and he is keen for it too... a detox... so I will only have fruit and soup for I hope 5 days.... hopefully that will allow me to lose a little.. a shit stack of homework to do.
I hope all is well ladies, stay pretty.
xo Pix.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Sunday, 22 April 2012
Weekend, gah, where to start ate a fuckload of thai/asian food friday then drank and purged. Satt I wasso hungover I had pasta and pizza. Today theres no excuse. Bacon and eggs, pizza and pasta. What the eff pixie you stupid thing. Mother also thinks I have a drinking problem... Perhaps. I feel more confident when I drink, as if people would like me more.
Im not weighing in. tomorrows back to uni I will be awfully busy so I'm hoping I can atleast get rid of the weekends catastrophe, gahh. Fat bitch pixie, over and out. X
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Sneaky
Sneaky phone update I'm at s's in bed while ge plays video games todays activities went well new hair colour purchased yet to put in. foodwise.. 2 pce sushi, half a greek salad a bite of garlic bread and diet coke. I hope to see results. Going to bed hungry and loving it! Night girls, I promise to catchup on blogs and reply when home xx pix
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Tatt Thinspo Thursday
The weekend is approaching and I am excited. I am going out for a double date tonight - which means dinner- not so excited however I am getting good at choosing healthy options and not eating the lot. Friday it is sangria with a girlfriend and sat a birthday dinner not keen on - will drive not drink nor eat and bail early.
I weighed in at 53.9kg yesterday, I am still a fair way away but every gram counts right. While 48 still is an ideal I think that I would be more than happy with 50kg! so im about 4 kg away....
I have been doing lots of push-ups, sit-ups squats etc and can see a change in my stomach already - the ribs once again are almost visible.
My scales are being a bitch to me -so I am not weighing in until I am sure I have lost a significant amount.
I have been eating less too:
Yesterday I ate a squid salad. a bite of chicken and roast veggies. (no sweets wooo)
Today I have had a coffee so far. S and I are going to the shops soon - I need new hair colour cant decide -red, purple, brown, black argh suggestions haha - hard to tell when you don't know what I look like. We will probably by his request get "a bite to eat" - salad thanks or cold rolls. Dinner - Salad please.
Fingers crossed - god being social can have its downfalls!
I have fallen in love with Tatt thinspo - funnily enough when browsing pictures I found a pic of a girl I know - wouldn't that be ideal - someone taking your myspace/facebook/blog photos and using them as a thinspo!
Enjoy!
xox - Pixie.
I weighed in at 53.9kg yesterday, I am still a fair way away but every gram counts right. While 48 still is an ideal I think that I would be more than happy with 50kg! so im about 4 kg away....
I have been doing lots of push-ups, sit-ups squats etc and can see a change in my stomach already - the ribs once again are almost visible.
My scales are being a bitch to me -so I am not weighing in until I am sure I have lost a significant amount.
I have been eating less too:
Yesterday I ate a squid salad. a bite of chicken and roast veggies. (no sweets wooo)
Today I have had a coffee so far. S and I are going to the shops soon - I need new hair colour cant decide -red, purple, brown, black argh suggestions haha - hard to tell when you don't know what I look like. We will probably by his request get "a bite to eat" - salad thanks or cold rolls. Dinner - Salad please.
Fingers crossed - god being social can have its downfalls!
I have fallen in love with Tatt thinspo - funnily enough when browsing pictures I found a pic of a girl I know - wouldn't that be ideal - someone taking your myspace/facebook/blog photos and using them as a thinspo!
Enjoy!
xox - Pixie.
Sunday, 15 April 2012
A constant battle
I battle everyday with my desires to be thin. Laziness has overcome me! I hate myself at the moment. I eat. I never used to eat. I have gained like a horse with the munchies. I am a fat piece of shit. I just want to be thin. I am going away in 12 days. I want to be thin when I see my friends.
But all I do is eat. proper meals. its disgusting. some say its normal I say its grotesque. I don't know how I got to this.
I am fat fat fat.
6kg needs to go asap.
Today I have had coffee, diet coke and a wrap with ham and cheese - 400 calories already no doubt.
400 to many.
It is odd how easy it has become to hate myself. or is it?
I SHOULD HATE MYSELF.
ATM I am a huge54.7 kg!
I have never never never never been this much.
fuck. I need to be at least 50 kg in 2 weeks! My jeans need to be loose on me! I got to 53kg a week ago but then I ate. Carbs, pasta, and I have been drinking everyday!
I will try to stop eating... I am going to take lax's now. gross but I need a system cleanse!
I hope to update a more happy story my next visit.
But all I do is eat. proper meals. its disgusting. some say its normal I say its grotesque. I don't know how I got to this.
I am fat fat fat.
6kg needs to go asap.
Today I have had coffee, diet coke and a wrap with ham and cheese - 400 calories already no doubt.
400 to many.
It is odd how easy it has become to hate myself. or is it?
I SHOULD HATE MYSELF.
ATM I am a huge
I have never never never never been this much.
fuck. I need to be at least 50 kg in 2 weeks! My jeans need to be loose on me! I got to 53kg a week ago but then I ate. Carbs, pasta, and I have been drinking everyday!
I will try to stop eating... I am going to take lax's now. gross but I need a system cleanse!
I hope to update a more happy story my next visit.
two weeks please!
- Pix.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Fuckitall.
I'm not dead. Although dont feel so alive. I am in a slump haven't felt like this isn a while.
Maybe because I forgot my meds or that its that time of month.
Gah. Most friends have now left town I feel alone. Saw the girl the one who first knew my problem
She has the same. Shes thinner I've gotten bigger! Might see her again. must get thinner before. Back to class and practicum starts this week, hopefully too busy to eat and hopefully this shit mood goes... usually after weekends I feel shit... Alcohol probs.. Or the fact I act so stupid and inconsiderate of people who care for me.i don't deserve him, hes too good for me, the other one has broken me. Made me fragile and weak, now I can't show love / emotion without being withdrawn.
Shit this post makes no sense. Headaches prozac and bedtime.
Save.
Maybe because I forgot my meds or that its that time of month.
Gah. Most friends have now left town I feel alone. Saw the girl the one who first knew my problem
She has the same. Shes thinner I've gotten bigger! Might see her again. must get thinner before. Back to class and practicum starts this week, hopefully too busy to eat and hopefully this shit mood goes... usually after weekends I feel shit... Alcohol probs.. Or the fact I act so stupid and inconsiderate of people who care for me.i don't deserve him, hes too good for me, the other one has broken me. Made me fragile and weak, now I can't show love / emotion without being withdrawn.
Shit this post makes no sense. Headaches prozac and bedtime.
Save.
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Lost Girl
Thats what I feel at the moment, rather lost.
Thus the lack of regular posts - I dont bother most of the time if I having nothing good to report.
I don't feel like I'm losing weight at all. I dont even feel like I'm trying its always "I'll make it up tomorrow" my motivation is lacking, but I want to be thin I know it.
I don't even feel disordered anymore... if I ever was... I must have been... now I am just = fat.
I am back at classes and everyones saying how good and skinny I look - cant they tell I have put on 6 kilos... I was lighter back then - NO ONE SAID ANYTHING.
I have been eating shit.
Yesterday I didn't eat until dinner but when I did I had vegie lasagna and salad - 400 cals
Today I ate a wholemeal roll bought from campus - eggplant, sundried tomato, pesto and cheese - 400 calories I'd guestimate.
I then got home and ate some crisps - IDIOT 200 calories
Dinner is soup. . not too fatty.
I am sitting at about 53.1 kg = 117.06 pounds.
I feel shit. Exhausted from all the assignments I am already swamped with, its only day 2 but I have to write a paper a day!
Tomorrow is another full day at university. I am taking a salad and avoiding carbs by all means necessary.
Pasta has fucked my stomach up so badly (oh yeah slight gluten intolerance but i cant resist it) so I am not going to touch it nor bread. I have constant cramps.
This blog thing is so funny... I never whinge on other mediums like facebook, email, texting or when I talk to people I am rather positive.. this however I don't know if it is a good thing, but I vent... lets pretend its good for now at least.
xo - pixie...
Thus the lack of regular posts - I dont bother most of the time if I having nothing good to report.
I don't feel like I'm losing weight at all. I dont even feel like I'm trying its always "I'll make it up tomorrow" my motivation is lacking, but I want to be thin I know it.
I don't even feel disordered anymore... if I ever was... I must have been... now I am just = fat.
I am back at classes and everyones saying how good and skinny I look - cant they tell I have put on 6 kilos... I was lighter back then - NO ONE SAID ANYTHING.
I have been eating shit.
Yesterday I didn't eat until dinner but when I did I had vegie lasagna and salad - 400 cals
Today I ate a wholemeal roll bought from campus - eggplant, sundried tomato, pesto and cheese - 400 calories I'd guestimate.
I then got home and ate some crisps - IDIOT 200 calories
Dinner is soup. . not too fatty.
I am sitting at about 53.1 kg = 117.06 pounds.
I feel shit. Exhausted from all the assignments I am already swamped with, its only day 2 but I have to write a paper a day!
Tomorrow is another full day at university. I am taking a salad and avoiding carbs by all means necessary.
Pasta has fucked my stomach up so badly (oh yeah slight gluten intolerance but i cant resist it) so I am not going to touch it nor bread. I have constant cramps.
This blog thing is so funny... I never whinge on other mediums like facebook, email, texting or when I talk to people I am rather positive.. this however I don't know if it is a good thing, but I vent... lets pretend its good for now at least.
xo - pixie...
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