I am officially over it all.. at the moment at least. Perhaps I am done - fuck it I want to be normal - the way I was before the calorie counting, before the purging, binges, restricting. Makes me happy somedatys and hating myself others.....
Happy ol Pixie. Skinny and not giving a fuck about what she ate because it didnt matter
Except now I am here- the scales show I am lower, but my moods feel the same.
While I have lost - I am now 50.7kg.Which I should be jumping for joy over but all I want to do is go back to how things were.Carefree. Not counting, weighing, measuring.
Perhaps I am changing the game plan... perhaps I am thinking too much into recovery... perhaps most likely I am just having a bad day.. and will go back to disordered pixie tomorrow.
Perhaps I should shut the fuck up... go into Hiatus for a while.
Eat right. Whatever "right" is... exercise more. Be confident in my own skin....
Perhaps it's time for this Pixie to up her meds.
recovery is amazing, i have never felt so free, and honestly, im lighter than i ever was when i was starving. i do the "caveman diet" eating clean, and not eating foods that come in a package, just eating veggies, fruit, meat, and eggs. ive never had so much energy
ReplyDeleteI think if you can recover then you should try, because i'm sure it must feel amazing. For me, I don't want to. I know if I ate normally then I would end up looking normal. And I can't have that. So if you can eat what you want and still be skinny. I mean. Yes, Pix. Yes. :) xo
ReplyDeleteThanks guys, yea ive been thinking paleo clean eating. And although piggy people wwould say I was skinny which I used to feel I'm just not sure if I can go back to that mindframe since ed has entered my life. I think I just had a bad day... I'm going to think about things ... Have some me time but honestly I think I will get.back.onto the.bandwagon even if it is killing me... Oxox pix
ReplyDeleteI'm in a similar position, trying to recover but not quite ready,
ReplyDeleteI want to want to recover if that makes sense
Do what's right for you,
I hope that's recovery x