A rainbow after the storm

Hello ladies- Firstly I must apologize about my whiny behavior in my last posts. It seems that purging worked as yesterday I was 50.9kg!Fifty something I could not believe it! I thought yes Pixie you have been granted a second chance for your evil stuffing your face ways although I undoubtedly took the second chance for granted.


Yesterday went okay. I was at University from 9.30-5.30pm and had only coffee and an apple. Dinner was Chili con-carne and some pineapple... not the greatest as dinner was pretty big.


Today I have started all my uni work. Although I have only been for three days I already have a mountain of work to do, and I want to get ahead with it so I don't get stressed and swamped at the last minute. I also have been considering doing honors for my final year. There are between 15-20 spots available and you have to have a high GPA and maintain it. While my GPA is high enough, I am not sure how many other people doing the course have the same or higher so I need to increase it! so study study study... 


If I don't do honors I will do masters which is an additional year and a half. But it seems so interesting and I, despite getting stressed often, really do love learning. 


Knowledge is so powerful. 


Today is my day off so I slept in a tiny bit. Drank coffee and hit the books. I am about three weeks ahead for one subject. Mother was home as she is fed up with work and rather upset about it. . so here's the bad thing... we went out for lunch and she made me dinner.


So today the intake was not so great
Coffee x2
Spicy noodle soup (half bowl)
2pce of bread with a small bowl of casserole (mostly purged).


I am not sure what tomorrow's weigh in will be. Likely not great but I am not too stressed. This cold thing is really taking a tole on me.. I am weak, exhausted and dizzy often. So eating a bit is probably what I require to be on the mend.



In other news the boy gets home in 4 days and I can not wait. I really do miss him. Sappy I know! It's his birthday in a few weeks so I got tickets to a band :) I know he is going to love it.



I promise I will read and comment soon.. feel free to comment too if anyone is reading start a discussion ask a question anything to break up my study routine :P 


xoxo Pixie

fat fucking failure

I was 51.6kg this morning - seems to be where I WAS staying


Stupid pixie was a fat fuck today and ate a fuck load


Coffee
Squid with chips
soup with bread x2
ice-cream


calories no idea well over 1000~


FUCKING PERIOD. I HATE YOU.


I am surely going to be over 52kgs tomorrow and I am not happy to say the least.


I don't know what I was thinking.... I hate that I really have no self control whatsoever!


I am a fake wannabe skinny at the moment. Im not even trying, I want the results yet fuck achieving them up by eating like a fat fucking wale. 
Argh - I'm going to go purge, not that that will get rid of the calories and fat I have driven into my mouth, my stomach, thighs, cheeks - tomorrow's weigh in will be a nightmare




I say this all the time.. "im going to change things... i am going to eat less... exercise more"... but I don't know if i can say this as clearly I am not listening and doing what I know I should be.


This week is a perfect week to lose weight. The boys overseas - he cant bother me about not eating/// so why don't i just do that?


Fatness and failures = a fucking disappointed self loathing pixie


x

horrible

Today I woke to 51.8kg - when yesterday I was 51.2kg's - although later today I was 51.6kg's... so I think I have some water weight plus its that time of month so bloatings a bitch - and due to that splendid time or month so is my appetite!

I went to class today although I was only there 2hours... not long enough to steer me away from boredom and the fridge (secretly it will be great when I get homework so I can stay at uni AWAY from food for hours on end) I still have this cold thing which is shitting me off too..

I should take this advice!

Anywho intake----- scary

Morning: Coffee
Lunch: Bean Wrap
Snack: Small bowl soup w/roll
Dinner: Grilled chicken, corn, a few hot chips
Dessert: A few buds of chocolate melted with strawberries...

FUCK YOU PERIOD. FUCK YOU COLD. AND FUCK YOU LACK OF SELF CONTROL.

I am feeling shit about it. Which I knew I would. It is so funny how I go get something to eat thinking "I am going to hate myself for this after" yet I still do it... its like I want to fail...well I obviously don't want to but I am clearly not trying hard enough to avoid it!

I wanted to go for a walk but my coughings so bad and the airs so cold that I will just get sicker  so sit ups it is then.

Tomorrow I have class 9-11.30am then I will probably try do some readings etc and avoid coming home to a fridge of food.

Hating myself.
Pixie xo

51.7

I am feeling pretty average today - stupid case of the cold/flu. Possibly due to the weekends antics.

I have lost not much but tis a loss. I ate a bit yesterday things did not go as planned.

Firstly I went to brunch with a friend .. "I will take the fruit salad"... "Sorry we are out"... eggs it is.

I then ate popcorn at the cinema with angel and soup and bread when I got home ... darn bread.

But I was pleased that I still lost 100grams :)

Today it has been coffee and rockmelon. I was meant to go to lunch with my brother however I havent heard from him.. a blessing in disguise?

I think I will now go to the vid store get some trashy movies and drink some soup.

No going out for this pixie this weekend just staying home and working in preparation for Mondays classes back at Uni.

xox

M.I.A

Gosh. I have really abandoned this blog haven't I?!


Well a lot has happened in the life of Pixie over the past couple of weeks.


I celebrated a birthday. Got way too drunk, among other things. Danced all night. Made people angry at me - note to self. Drinking makes me become full of regret!


I gained and I lost and now I have maintained.


Sunday I woke up to 51.1kg which was great but I have since eaten and I am at a stable 52kgs which I weighed in today after I had to regrettably eat.


My eating habits are changing - I have avoided sweets and binges!


Friday - I worked a 12 hour shift... ate small bowl of rice and chicken


Saturday - I ate leftover rice and chicken and some dip at the party (I did considerably well considering it was catered for). I drank a shit load however... yet also danced it off until 9am!


Sunday - 2 spring rolls


Monday - coffee and 4x spring rolls


Tuesday - a piece of sushi, a turkey wrap, and meat and veg for dinner


Today - coffee and then the unfortunate lunch since I was out with friends and all eyes were on the table... I forked here and there at some fish, removing all the batter and shoveling it around... I ate some chips and argh a piece of bread...
Dinner was soup and a small bowl of stir-fry which I lapsed and just finished purging.


The weekend really was fucked. I have decided due to this there will be no weekend drinking for a long time. I never learn: drinking and such fucks with my moods and anti-depressants causing me to hit all time lows. Despite this regretful weekend my appetite had ceased for a while - I am hoping more than anything it remains this way.


University goes back next week which I surprisingly am looking forward to as I know that I never eat there. Looks like disordered mind-frame pixie is returning which I am yet to decipher as being "yay" or "nay".


I am also looking forward to having a form of routine - which means that HOPEFULLY I will be doing a lot of studying and a less of partying.


I wouldnt say that for a 21 year old I party or go out that much... I just feel that lately I am probably drinking more than usual... perhaps more social events are during this time of year? But I would really like to save my $ from the new job and not waste it on alcohol and smokes (next habit to kick).


Quitting is one of my new years resolutions... I have 5.5 months of the year left to achieve this. Another one of my resolutions was to go running- proper running. This sounds stupid doesn't it? But secret to be told I have a fear of public running - in fact any running. I am scared of not only making strangers cringe but also myself. I have not ran in years.. not properly. Angel laughed when I said yesterday during our walk in the park that I had a fear of running " why would you, you look like  a pro - a proper fit girl". Although I know I don't look that ridiculous in my exercise gear I sure do feel it. Long story short - I ran - not far maybe 400m as fast as I could and I giggled like a little school girl. Angel laughed to and was proud of me. I was too - so I am aiming to start jogging in public and just at night. 


Enough rambling. I have missed this blog. I have missed you. I have missed being a thinner on the way to skinny minny pixie.. and I think maybe just maybe she is going to re-appear. We shall see... 


XO - Pixie. 



Some Nicole Richie thinspo - beautiful and stylish

Fuck. I'm the worst... Im fat. I need to be 1 dress size thinner in 6 days to fit into my ossett dress!
The game plan is no bread, biscuits, pasta or sweets and maximum exercise.

I just dont know whats wrong with me I do well and their it all away! Idiot!


I can only try again....

So I've set my alarm early to go for a walk before work. I will have a coffee and packet soup at work. Dinner vegies only.


Hope this works for me ....

51.2kg

I've reached my lowest weight in such a long time. I can see 50kg in the nar futmure :)
Yesterday I ate two rolls at work, and egg muffindrank and danced my ass of getting home at 11am this morning. Ive had three bites of diner chicken n veg. Thats it today... So going I will lose tomorrow. I'm working so probably won't eat much infact I know I wont. Also I'm not going to smoke anymore I want that to be my 21st present to myself and as reward I can save my $$ on more useful things... More books.
Im also not drinking til my bday...couple weeks I need a detox!
Anywho bed calls, sorry for a boring post I'm just hungover as feck!
Love xx