I'm not dead. Although dont feel so alive. I am in a slump haven't felt like this isn a while.
Maybe because I forgot my meds or that its that time of month.
Gah. Most friends have now left town I feel alone. Saw the girl the one who first knew my problem
She has the same. Shes thinner I've gotten bigger! Might see her again. must get thinner before. Back to class and practicum starts this week, hopefully too busy to eat and hopefully this shit mood goes... usually after weekends I feel shit... Alcohol probs.. Or the fact I act so stupid and inconsiderate of people who care for me.i don't deserve him, hes too good for me, the other one has broken me. Made me fragile and weak, now I can't show love / emotion without being withdrawn.
Shit this post makes no sense. Headaches prozac and bedtime.
Save.
Sunday 26 February 2012
Tuesday 7 February 2012
Lost Girl
Thats what I feel at the moment, rather lost.
Thus the lack of regular posts - I dont bother most of the time if I having nothing good to report.
I don't feel like I'm losing weight at all. I dont even feel like I'm trying its always "I'll make it up tomorrow" my motivation is lacking, but I want to be thin I know it.
I don't even feel disordered anymore... if I ever was... I must have been... now I am just = fat.
I am back at classes and everyones saying how good and skinny I look - cant they tell I have put on 6 kilos... I was lighter back then - NO ONE SAID ANYTHING.
I have been eating shit.
Yesterday I didn't eat until dinner but when I did I had vegie lasagna and salad - 400 cals
Today I ate a wholemeal roll bought from campus - eggplant, sundried tomato, pesto and cheese - 400 calories I'd guestimate.
I then got home and ate some crisps - IDIOT 200 calories
Dinner is soup. . not too fatty.
I am sitting at about 53.1 kg = 117.06 pounds.
I feel shit. Exhausted from all the assignments I am already swamped with, its only day 2 but I have to write a paper a day!
Tomorrow is another full day at university. I am taking a salad and avoiding carbs by all means necessary.
Pasta has fucked my stomach up so badly (oh yeah slight gluten intolerance but i cant resist it) so I am not going to touch it nor bread. I have constant cramps.
This blog thing is so funny... I never whinge on other mediums like facebook, email, texting or when I talk to people I am rather positive.. this however I don't know if it is a good thing, but I vent... lets pretend its good for now at least.
xo - pixie...
Thus the lack of regular posts - I dont bother most of the time if I having nothing good to report.
I don't feel like I'm losing weight at all. I dont even feel like I'm trying its always "I'll make it up tomorrow" my motivation is lacking, but I want to be thin I know it.
I don't even feel disordered anymore... if I ever was... I must have been... now I am just = fat.
I am back at classes and everyones saying how good and skinny I look - cant they tell I have put on 6 kilos... I was lighter back then - NO ONE SAID ANYTHING.
I have been eating shit.
Yesterday I didn't eat until dinner but when I did I had vegie lasagna and salad - 400 cals
Today I ate a wholemeal roll bought from campus - eggplant, sundried tomato, pesto and cheese - 400 calories I'd guestimate.
I then got home and ate some crisps - IDIOT 200 calories
Dinner is soup. . not too fatty.
I am sitting at about 53.1 kg = 117.06 pounds.
I feel shit. Exhausted from all the assignments I am already swamped with, its only day 2 but I have to write a paper a day!
Tomorrow is another full day at university. I am taking a salad and avoiding carbs by all means necessary.
Pasta has fucked my stomach up so badly (oh yeah slight gluten intolerance but i cant resist it) so I am not going to touch it nor bread. I have constant cramps.
This blog thing is so funny... I never whinge on other mediums like facebook, email, texting or when I talk to people I am rather positive.. this however I don't know if it is a good thing, but I vent... lets pretend its good for now at least.
xo - pixie...
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