I love

The fact clothes that were tight now fit! I've lost a little. However today/tonight I was a little bad. Im around 600 cals today which isnt to bad its just seeming that way as I consumed most of this in a 4 hr period and felt like I was.constantly eating .. Because I was!

Ive had two coffees, cup soup, shirataki noodles with veg and prawns, 2 weetbox ,.cookie and a.few.mouthfuls of pasta that mum wanted me to test..... Im feeling grossly full! Ive since done.over 100 situps and some scissor kicks and weights... So hopefully no gain tomorrow!

Speaking of I'm accompanying a client to court tomorrow then meeting angel for lunch... Fuck.
Im thinking an asian broth or greens as he wants asian food from china town. Since I will ne getting the bus to court im going to be doing some walking between destinations which is good. I also might get a new.book any recommendations?

Xx pix.

I hope

I hope I lose tomorrow. Intake waTs neither good nor tragic I guess.
2 coffees, cup soup, egg, rye wrap with turkey and cheese (oops) a.cookie and veg for dinner..

I would love to have skipped the cookie and.cheese!
I slept in so no morning workout. However I.just finished doing a bunch of situps, weights, lunges, scissor kicks.. Not as much as I had hoped but ive got a horrid headache probably from that cookie! Anywho im planning over the next 20 days to do some form of workout each day even if its just a walk or situps, something must be better than nothing hmm.

Holidays are approaching so this should be made easier, and I will be hopefully working more and I hardly eat then!

This weekend I'm having drinks with milah not sure if.we. Will go out we might just stay in with some.vodka!

Will update soon :)


Xxxx pixie love and hugs!

God I fucking suck. Im huge again. I stayed at grans and boy did she feed me! I saw s for the first time in over a week and boy did we eat! I pirged too ~ disapointed. Im working all day tomorrow so no food ok pixie. Ive set my alarm early to fit some form of workout in. I feel so fat and feel the pasta chocolate and cookies swirling around my body making its way to my ass hips and thighs. I have 20 days before I must be thin for my party. Im going to be 2kg down in a.couple weeks. If not im going to lose my fucking shit and rhn away. Im the only one to blame or can change this.... If only my stomach and mouth where on the same goddam page! Happy saturday darlings hope everyones doing better than me! X .

Another day

Shit. Fuck. I.was doing well... Lost even... Then I ate today 3 pieces of toast with cheese, pea soup, two cups of.coffee,.4 spring rolls, schnitzel and veg at nans ..... Fatty mc fat fat! 25 days must be a stable 2kg down and maintain... Fuck I crave chocolate but no pixie I feel the thighs getting bigger the fat clogging my arteries, the inches forming... Sigh just another day in a disordered pixies life.

Nervous

I am currently nervous as fuck and my anxiety is through the roof.. I have no idea why. Perhaps because this time I know I am going to be the "old thin pixie" and I am just excited?

I took the day off from everything and I so far have finished Wintergirls this morning which really made me think - fuck pixie you need to stop purging! So to do this... no guilty fucking foods - clean eating... vegetables and fruit and coffee and tea and NO BREAD OR PASTA... 

I have spent the remainder of the day making a list of allowed and not-allowed foods to stick on my fridge... I don't care that my family can see it as far as they know I am doing it to fix my fucked up stomach and IBS/slight gluten intolerance. 

I will be 2kg down by my Birthday - 4 weeks!

Each night I am doing sit-ups crunches and a thigh workout with this thingy that Angel bought me... 

I feel excited, anxious but still positive.

Intake so far - 1 x coffee... 

I have also taken photos of myself today so I can compare each week - who knows maybe I will post them... CURRENTLY 52.4KG. 

Wish me luck 

xxo Pixie. 

I just feel

That tomorrow my life will change!

I'm feeling a positive Pixie!

Today I am dirty.. want to be pretty.. tomorrow, I know I'm just dirt.

This was a great weekend for me. I spent the time doing what a pixie should not, drinking, smoking, lying, dancing and vomiting... a lot!

Where to start... I decided I was not going to drink this weekend.. that lasted a whole ten minutes. I was supposed to go to a party - Kendra's.. but I really could not be fucked, and knew I would have a shit time as we aren't really friends anymore or have anything in common. So I lied. Bad Pixie. I said I had to work.. Instead I messaged Milah to see if she felt like vodka and company.. the phone rang 5 minutes later and I was in my car on my way. The night was great. We drank, and danced around her room in the dark discovering that we had more in common. I hate girls usually but we get along pretty well. We both are disordered but we have had the "talk" about not wanting to encourage each other (no matter how hard) and not to get angry if one of us recovers. 

I like this idea... a friendship based on something true... nothing like our desire for perfection and thin....  Who knows maybe Pixie has found a friend - after all the others left her. 

The next day Angel picked me up as I could not drive. SPEW GUTS. I have not felt so sick in forever. But he was a sweetheart and looked after me.. OH AND IN ALL OF THIS DID I MENTION I LOST WEIGHT... I was at 51.7kg AGAIN. So there standing hungover on the scales I noticed I was back to where I was last Saturday however after eating on Sunday at a family lunch I have gained a few grams FUCK. Still I know that I am losing when I want to.. well I always want to, but when I actually TRY. PIXIE WILL BE DOING MORE OF THIS AS OF TOMORROW.It is always "tomorrow" with us isn't it?! But sometimes that is all we have to live for. 

Oh in other news during the week I was offered two jobs and accepted one so hopefully I will be able to buy a nice dress for my 21st coming up in no time at all!

I hope that everyone else's weekend was fun and adventurous xoxo Pixie. 

Memoirs of a Pixie

I Pixie have hereby decided that I am going to get back onto the blogging bandwagon and follow in the footsteps of my previous alias' blogs and make things more interesting. The alias of Pixie will be exposed bit by bit I guess I have thought about it for the past month... Usually my blogs tell more than what I have ate during the day - and how much I hate what toxic crap I call food into my body. So let my Pixies memoir begin...... 

I should introduce some characters fictional - non fictional you decide.


There's Pixie .. or "me" ... BMI 17. SOMETHING ... Age soon to be 21. Tall. Not skinny but want to be skinny. Will get skinny. Unemployed. In a great relationship. Living with the roomies  parents and a little cat. 


There's normal girl.. Pixie's split personality.. the angelic demonic voice in her head. 

Angel aka S = Pixie's lovely boyfriend. Far too kind yet unaware of her disorderly ways.


Momsy - Pixie's mother really is lovely means well but far too protective and can be rather smothering. OCD. Clean-a-holic


Fasha - Pixie's father. Passive and has not had a meaningful conversation with Pixie in years, but they don't need to. Paying out Momsy behind her back in a nice way is quite sufficient. Works hard then spends home-time in front of the television and bag of chips. 


Milah - very new friend of Pixie's. Also disordered. Knows about Pixie's disorders. A breath of fresh air.


Serena - Older sister. Works. Has boy, financial and all sorts of troubles.. nothing like  Sis2 her other sister of the same age. 


Kendra - College friend. In need of a new brain. Constant boy troubles. 


B - One and only long lost brother... new to the scene


So there is the introduction of characters in this trip down the memoir lane.. stay tuned as Pixie.. takes you on a brisk walk through the purging, binging, laughter, the wishful tears, aloof behavior and search for her identity. 

xoxo Pixie.

51.7KG

I got down to this on Sunday after a drunk blergh of fun with skinny girl... although I have eaten a bit.... I weighed this morning and I am 52.7kg :/ but still I am OK with this as I have ate a lot of pasta, cheesecake and crap over the weekend - hangover snacks argh. I don't know how I got to 51.7kg :/ I HAVE BEEN EATING!!! maybe my metabolism needed this food. I am feeling thinner I think I look it too. I am planning to be 51kg by my birthday... 7 weeks totally do-able. To help me achieve this I am also not drinking until then! It may prove hard but alcohol seems to make me eat so it is worth refraining from drunken behavior... plus I am spending money I don't really have on booze :( I am job seeking to fix the money sitch. I need clothes, stockings, coats, lipstick and a scarf for this horrid winter weather! Blergh. I will do a proper update soon. xo