Scared

Yep. Scared shitless is my state of mind right now. This weekend I have not counted calories.. and I ate a shitload.. three meals a day (not like me at all). We had family stay with us from out of town so Mother prepared breakfast, lunch and dinner daily=  gah FAT. 


I haven't dared weigh myself. I don't know if I can even bring myself to go near the scales tomorrow... I predict I am back where I was 53-54 :/ 


I will try recap my eating (be warned this is ugly)


Friday - No bloody idea what I ate during the day for dinner I ate squid and purged it all.


Saturday - toast with turkey, veggie slice, dips, bbq, peanut butter sandwich. 


Sunday - toast with turkey, veggie slice, sausage in bread, chicken mornay, and three slices of pizza


I am feeling sick as I type this! How can I just ruin good work with stupid weekend blunders. Oh and also I drank last night: beer too!


Tomorrow I want to start over. I will start over. I want to  be thin by the time I go back to University. I start in about two weeks. Strict dieting, more exercising and fasting. 


I should be okay this week the boy is going away - he was meant to last week but changed the dates so no eating out for me! I am trying to save money because as mentioned before I quit my job and am nearing the end of my rostered shifts (which I don't have many). Its Australia day on Thursday so no work, then I have two more shifts left and I am out of that place. 


Although I will be out of an income I figure that money isn't making me happy in fact I just eat too much when I have money hah. I don't care much for buying clothes and shoes regularly. Twice a year I probably will do a shop once in winter once in summer.. then perhaps for an odd special occasion but rarely. One thing I am good at is making outfits last for years and just accessorize them so they look new/different - so hopefully that won't be a problem really. I am going to start op shopping again and customizing. I miss that. i need to get in touch with my creative side again :)


Random: It is just petrol, uni books, occasional going out money but that is all I will need for the next few months. So I will have plenty of time to get a new job.. something that I will enjoy. I have decided that instead of doing something that makes me unhappy I rather not do it at all - next thing on the list to cross off is find the perfect job! 


I am always curious what other people who are studying (or not) do for a job.. what is out there and what would people recommend? 


I hope everyone had a far better weekend than I - this week I will catch up on blogs. 


XO Pixie.