A constant battle

I battle everyday with my desires to be thin. Laziness has overcome me! I hate myself at the moment. I eat. I never used to eat. I have gained like a horse with the munchies. I am a fat piece of shit. I just want to be thin. I am going away in 12 days. I want to be thin when I see my friends. 


But all I do is eat. proper meals. its disgusting. some say its normal I say its grotesque. I don't know how I got to this. 


I am fat fat fat. 
6kg needs to go asap. 


Today I have had coffee, diet coke and a wrap with ham and cheese - 400 calories already no doubt. 
400 to many. 


It is odd how easy it has become to hate myself. or is it?
I SHOULD HATE MYSELF. 


ATM I am a huge 54.7 kg!


I have never never never never been this much. 


fuck. I need to be at least 50 kg in 2 weeks! My jeans need to be loose on me! I got to 53kg a week ago but then I ate. Carbs, pasta, and I have been drinking everyday!


I will try to stop eating... I am going to take lax's now. gross but I need a system cleanse!


I hope to update a more happy story my next visit. 

two weeks please!

- Pix.