Oh there you are

Where have you been Pixie? 

This year has just gone by so quickly so far. Yet I have nothing to show for it.

I have moved out. Trying to make a house a home but it just doesnt feel that way. I thought my depression had gotten better. I even considered giving the meds the flick but I feel empty. . like I have nothing going for me at the moment even though a lot seems to be happening around me. 

I feel like im in this transitional period of my life where I don't know who I am meant to be or where I am going... 

I had a birthday. 22. I feel old and like I should know what I am meant to be doing, have some sort of routine. You know wake up go to the gym, go to class, go to work, come home, say hi honey i'm home heres your dinner, look at finding a house, do productive things on the weekend apart from drinking and drugs. I don't like who I have become lately. 

I think I am missing ana. Shes been gone for so long. Shes in the back of my mind whispering Pixie I'm here... I've always been here. . talk to me. But living with the boy its hard to let her out. I eat all the time. It feels like it anyway. Two meals a day is two too many. 

I think its ana who i have been missing. I need to gain control again. I need the thrill of seeing the numbers on the scale go down, the bones and ribs visible through my skin. 

Im going to let her back. I need to. 
She will let me get to where I want to be. 50kg. I need to lose 3 kg to get there. I want to be stable at 50kg and go from there. I will do it. A

na will help me to do it. 

I need routine. Ana gave me that motivation. 

Im back. Pixie is back. Being MIA sucked. I missed you. 

xo Pix.