Just...

Instead of remaining to be most disappointed in myself over the weekends shenanigans (I have spent the whole day feeling this, between each chocolate cookie). I have come to the realisation as I watched the chocolate, the doughnuts the pizza (oh yeah had some for dinner homemade and veggie) splatter into the toilet bowl so effortlessly as I purged (I am now able to do this with ease- and ever so quietly!) I realised I actually don't really enjoy these foods that much I never did before! but since I was in the restriction mind frame like I have said once before in these situations the rebel comes out in me and I "want what I can't have" it is all psychological.. not even a want nor a need.

So to remove the feeling of constant starvation and the "I can't eat a thing" mindset I am in the process of developing a food plan that will allow me to eat! Yup, eat.. something I dread but love at the same time. I will allow myself low cal meals, packed with negative - low cal ingredients.

I know I will still get questioned, you always do! You are never seen as the good citizen eating and "maintaining a healthy lifestyle"... despite the fact that it's sprawled all over the t.v isn't it  >  eat salad, chose healthy meal replacements blah blah blah the list goes on...YEAH RIGHT!

You know though what I find funny.. you get punished like all hell for eating a diet of McDonalds, but yet I have found when I eat salads people look at me even more so like I am crazy and they whinge "why are you eating that, are you ano? ... rabbit food.. .you don't make friends with salad... you live longer by eating meat... god made you with teeth to chew meat... snob"

Insult after insult.. You can't win can you.. dammed if you do dammed if you don't.

Any who that was completely off track of me wasn't it :/

I will perfect the food plan and post it when I have! In the mean time meals will consist of some of the following negative calorie foods (foods that require you to burn more calories whilst eating and digesting these foods compared to the calories contained in the foods itself)


Negative Cal Vegetables:

Asparagus

Beet Root

Broccoli

Cabbage (green)

Carrot

Cauliflower

Celery

Chile peppers (hot)

Cucumber

Dandelion

Endive

Garden cress

Garlic

Green beans

Lettuce

Onion

Radishes

Spinach

Turnip

Zucchini

Fruits:

Apple

Blueberries

Cantaloupe

Cranberries

Grapefruit

Honeydew

Limes

Lemon

Mango

Orange

Papaya

Peach

Pineapple

Raspberries

Strawberries

Tangerines

Tomato

Watermelon

It is important to note that adding sauces, seasonings, dressings yogurt etc will add calories!

I am excited! I am going to allow myself to enjoy food again with intent to prevent myself from the ol' binge and purge. 

Evening ladies

xo - Pixie

shattered

Well ladies you guessed it this weekend was an epic failure, I experienced my first massive real binge. A binge for me is usually reaching 900 cals.
This was... I don't even know how many - to many is all I know!

Saturday2 pce raisin toast and margarine (300)
2 coffees (10)
carrot and hummus (30)
that was okay but after work boy oh boy!!
S and I went shopping, we bought rice, tofu, veggie patties and 2 blocks of chocolate!Lets just say between us we ate both blocks over the weekend!
Dinner was rice - huge amount with roast eggplant, mushroom stir fry and tofu - the roast eggplant was not as good as when we got it last week!

oh and before dinner 3 beers and some nachos!! because my sister came over and brought them *I know vomit here*

After dinner was okay I purged the whole lot up, pretending to have a long shower.. so i got that out. But then it was cheesecake! two big pieces! (leave now this is only Saturday girls)Fair to say I was feeling gross. Reading this makes me feel gross.


Sunday - today
Morning coffee - cookies LOTS of choc Chip cookies sooo here alone was about 550 cals
THEN it was salad and pasta another 500 cals
then I got home and it was a small choc doughnut!!! about 200 cals. I feel like absolute shit! I have NEVER eaten so much in as long as I can even comprehend!!


I could mope about it more but I feel that this will mark a change - I have it out of my system (I hope) and I am more motivated than ever to go back to the gym!!
Must go my sisters picking me up to get a juice.... I have to walk past the box of doughnuts to leave the house

All in all I am feeling shattered and disappointed...
I hope everyone else however had a lovely weekend- keep strong - sometimes when we fall down we just jump right back up fighting harder and stronger.... at least that's the plan
xo - Pixie
I am going to make a food and exercise plan and stick to it as much as poss. Has anyone got any diet tips to recommend or exercised to increase that thigh gap!

I will look like this - - time frame  = 2 weeks.

Quick post.maintained weight today again 48.4~ im not dropping because i think my metabolism is screwed so i have eaten already two pieces of raisin toast (300 cal) a carrot and hommus (30) 2 coffees (20) & some chocolate... I haven't ate this much in ages and i've still got dinner... Indian ~ rice and some spicy tofu and nann... Its going to be fat saturday but i guess my low calorie days should be followed by a higher one to kick start the metabolism who knows. ..another thing im Worried about other than my weight..a lump in my breast.. Painful im scared i don't want it to be serious... I will get that checked :|

Love and happy weekend to all
Xo pixie.

dun. dun. dun.

I made it back home from dinner. I purged it all up. Risotto has to be the easiest thing to purge - I was so hungry I barely chewed - it came out in perfect abborio rice pieces - the olives and artichokes still in tact. So I am more than confident I did not have more than 500 cals worth of dinner and my other snacks so total for the day - 670 cals minus my purged dinner - who the hell knows how many calories came out haha
but it was alot of mess!! but gosh despite the shaking I feel amazing. Time for bed.

Work all day tomorrow - just coffee hummus and carrots if I must then its off to s's again... always something I fear, but at least now I know the fridge is stacked with tomato, cucumber and lettuce and I can make a yummy salad , also I left my sugarines there and some oats :D

- Feeling good ladies, must be the new hair.

Love and happiness for all!

- xo Pixie

Something in the way...

Nirvana moments..

Today was good to start. Yesterday was not. I ate - alot...

Thursday:

Morning - coffee (10)
Lunch - Three cold rolls (200)
Snack - 5 strawberries melted chocolate (200)
Dinner - Salad, few bites fish.. (150)
Dessert - milkybary chocolate - the whole block!! (god knows)

Total - 560 + chocolate - probably around 800 + waa

Today so far

Coffee (10)
half tin spags - (65)
vita weats and low cal tzatziki - (95)

and I am about to meet the girls for dinner - veg rissotto no doubt, or a bowl of vegetables and a diet coke that is all I will allow - so around 500 cals...

We shall see. I will let you know.

Plus side got my hair done today. Love it - I wanted to mark a new me! I always do this they do say hair is the one thing a girl can control in their life ha!

 I was asked to be a model next year for Loreal comps.. they must have like me the first time. The hairdresser said I was one of the best models.. I guess that was comforting - then I though shit.. I have less than three months to get thin!!

I guess though it will be motivation right?

I am so tied down with study at the moment - 3 weeks left then exam break and then holidays. I tend to eat when I am stressed - new found coffee addiction to replace old bad habbits ;) I applied for a University interstate to go to in 2013 I hope I get it!

New surroundings will be nice.

I hope everyone feels beautiful!

- xo Pixie.

caved

Feel like shit i thought Fuck it just ate five strawberries with cooking chocolate and half a mango, three vego cold rolls, two coffees and a diet coke... Gosh. I suck. And too top it off im staying at s' still. He wants to cook Indian. I'm fucking sick.

I'd say im already at 520 cals. God dam.

Pissed

Mother Trucker!

I am only 48kg today! how? usually I lose about 300gr a day doing what I was, my metabolism must be fucked. I thought I would be back to around the 47.8 mark!!

I am pissed off, why bother? Going to S's apt tonight, he was talking about cooking dinner a feast. I don't want dinner!
I am so weak and constantly tired. But I want to be thin. I want ... you know what I don't know what I fucking want.

End Rant

- xo Pixie.