the worlds a stage...I'm just its bitch.

Phone post: Today from my last post was pretty fucked.. It got worse.

I ate and ate and ate... Worked....then ate even though i was full after the first meal. . I pushed my stomach further... I sat at the fridge eating.. lasagna ~ soda~ peanut butter sandwiches x 2 - chocolate and strawberries - 2 serves - chocolate icecream - beans and salsa. ..... Total of around 1300cals disgusting i know! !

i feel shit... But all i could think of each time i searched for more food was "Fuck it".. Ive become so warped in this depression over the past few months.Since august i think.But no one has noticed... No one has helped.... Im always the one to see how everyones day is.. The one they whinge and bitch to... Life stresses boys work uni... You name it i hear it. Which is fine i love listening... I love helping... But sometimes i yearn to be heard.. To have someone ask how am i doing..oh well.... I would probably lie and say im fine. Im not fine. I know that ~ my psych knew that.Maybe i should go back.I just don't see the purpose of life at the moment...i think i have bipolar its in my family.One day im semi happy.The next its as if the world is grabbing me and im too small to struggle free from its grip. But really i am big and fat.

Tomorrow is a new day. I always tell people that. It's about time i took my own advice.

No more scales for me. No more bingeing for me. Just finding me. The girl i know who was once healthy and happy. It isn't a fond memory but i know she once existed.


Plan~ Exercising daily.
No bingeing.
No purging.
No bullshit.
Just low calorie happy living..


Hahaha funny thing i just remembered today S told me "you're like a bulimic... Eat nothing for days then binge on crap" ~ if only he knew..

Sorry this is long.. Boring. Much like me.


Goodnight lovelies

Xo pixie.