graine-mi.

Currently faced with a massive headache at the mo. Was shaking like crazy and dizzy as all hell today.

Food:

2 coffees (20cal)

porridge and berries (140 cal)

bowl of pasta with plain tomato pasta sauce and some basil (400 cals max)

diet coke and h20 (cals)

Total - 560 cals...

I really did not want that much pasta but I was shaking like a leaf which my little cousin pointed out and felt like I was going to collapse so munched away - gut ache now.

I almost gave up.. sometimes I just dont know why I am doing this! I sometimes look in the mirror and I know people would kill to have my figure. . but I am dying to strive for perfection.. but what is perfection? how will I know when I have reached it? and what do I do once I have? go back to eating "normal" because hell that surely wont keep the figure on the scale idle... I read Portia De Rossi's autobiography and re-read something she said along the lines of how now she eats what she wants when she wants and because she knows she can have it she doesnt want it as much... she knows she can eat the chocolate and a bag of chips one after the other, and just knowing that she tends not to binge....

This has struck me - after all we always want what we can't have.

Like me and sweets I used to hate them.. now it's a struggle to decline! it is asif my body and mind are in a constant battle and I don't know who is going to win. Sounds like I don't know what side im rooting for either doesn't it? I just feel blergh today - but I will keep strong I cant give up now.. I just need to re-train my thoughts - develop a better relationship with food somehow!

and what better way to get my mind back on track than some thinspo.. ^^^

Sorry for the rant. Night Ladies

xo - Pixie.