Turning over a new leaf.

I have come to the conclusion that my unhappiness derives from constant guilt - guilt over eating that chocolate I mean two blocks over two days c'mon oh and apple pie seriously? (no wonder I am 49.4kg this morning).


So I am going to start eating again. Yep. WHAT THE HELL? SHE SHOULDN'T EAT.

I figure that I am gaining because of the following reasons


a) I get so tired from not eating during the day that I can't bring myself to think about let alone do any form of exercise
b) my body is then at night needing energy and telling me it is deprived thus the large dinners followed by sweets which is filled with bad fats, no nutritional benefits what so ever, making me feel good at the time then giving me an all time low "i want to kill myself I am so fat" affect.


I can't do it anymore. Not this way anyway. I thought I would be happy. I'm not. Instead of wasting those extra calories on sweets and crap like chocolate and apple pies - I am going to find my energy source another way. By eating regularly - but healthily!!
This way I can use those extra calories that would usually be spent on CRAP on things like fruits, oats, cereals, muesli, yogurt etc as I am sure these foods will make me :

a) feel fuller than the chocolate
b) give me the energy I need to exercise or do any daily activity
c) warrant off the concern from family and friends that I am not eating
d) benefit my overall emotional and mental well being - Key is to avoid the fact that I hate my life, and find myself wanting to kill myself each time I eat something shit.

Now I don't know if this way of living will make me gain or lose, I will let you know. But what I do know is that yes maybe I am not cut out for fasting all the time, and yes I am weak and give into temptation, and yes I am depressed and it probably is because of my "not being able to eat a darn thing" mentality - So I think a break is what I need.






I am not saying either that I can go out and eat whatever I want - I never eat takeout like McDonalds etc anyway - but if I want that piece of sushi - chances are now I am going to eat it!


I am unhealthy. I wake up with sore bones, ribs, chest, head from the lack of iron, vitamins and the loss of nutrients that I flush down the toilet each time I purge.

( pretty much I am going to eat AS MUCH fruit and salad as I want without counting every calorie in my apple )

 So here's to a new leaf.. I am going to be healthy - and I still hope to be thin along the way... I look at the women in health and fitness magazines now I am sure they may weigh a bit from muscle but their metabolism would be better than mine - and they are more toned than me anyway. I am setting the challenge of more exercise this week and I am not going to look at my scales until Tuesday next week -- 5 days. I will let you know how I go ladies.


and here's to all of you out there who can remain strong - stronger than I could ever be. I admire you really I do. I hope no one is let down.. but really I can't be faced with letting myself down every time I eat crap food so I am going to retrain my brain more or less.. trick it into thinking yep I'm full on fruit and salad and nuts I don't need that chocolate!




xo - Pixie.